If you want to do a study in human psychology, then read a comment thread on any random webpage. The amount of pointless bickering and bizarre nitpicking is enough to make your head spin. It's as if people lose their sanity when responding to a value judgment. Comments are informal – you're not supposed to sit there forever thinking of something to say – and that's not a bad thing in itself. The problem is when comment threads become the equivalent of a wall in a public bathroom and eventually turn into an all-out brawl in a public bathroom.
Nowhere is this more apparent than movie-related discussions. The threads are virtually interchangeable – switch the title of the film, the names of the actors, etc. The same criticizing phrases and sweeping generalizations are used to describe films which are as different as chocolate and vanilla. Whether the person is disparaging or lauding the film, you can be sure that any of the following happened:
1. The film was so boring that they fell asleep watching it.
2. They want however many hours of their life back.
3. Whoever was in it couldn’t act their way out of a paper bag.
4. Something is all Hollywood's fault.
5. They usually hate the actor/director's films but… (I’ve read this in so many reviews it’s a wonder any actor has any fans.)
6. The actor(s) need(s) acting lessons.
7. The director should go back to film school.
8. No one knows how to make movies anymore except for…
9. Whoever gave his/her usual bad performance. (Question: why do these people keep going to see this actor's movies if they’re always so bad? Methinks they doth protest too much.)
10. It's an instant classic. (I have complained about this elsewhere.)
11. Hyperbole involving willing self-infliction of pain rather than seeing this movie, etc.
12. This is the worst/best movie they have ever seen. (You’re entitled to feel that way about any movie you choose, but I’ve seen it said about so many movies that it makes me wish people would at least qualify the statement with “one of the worst I’ve ever seen.”)
13. The Nationality Argument: only the British understand comedy; only the French understand romance; only the Japanese understand aesthetics; etc. (Note: this is usually accompanied by the assertion that Americans know nothing.)
Aside from the assorted déjà vu of comments, the reviews also feature stock character critics:
The Drooler just wants to mention how HOT the actors are. They love them some good whoever it is. The Dreamer thinks everything was brilliant and often magical as well. The Ranter is easily spotted by use of words in all caps. This person is very ANGRY at all these DAMN movies, okay? ANGRY. The Gossip is more interested in the celebrities' personal lives than actually discussing the film. The Off-topic Rambler ends up talking about other films and other performances. The Narcissist talks about him or herself rather than the film. The Political Activist somehow manages to talk about the right or left side of the political spectrum and how the Republicans/Democrats are to blame/credit for the film. The Riddler tries to express something which may be profound (or at least intelligent), but which is inevitably lost in the incoherent sentence structure. The Extremist - no matter how mediocre or unremarkable the film may be, this person will declare it either the worst or best film of all time.
Not that the aforementioned aren't entitled to their opinions, you just wish they'd calm down before submitting their comments, or at least proofread more carefully.
Or maybe it's just me.
In any case, I've been trying to locate the origin of the phrase "couldn't act their way out of a paper bag" because I'm curious if it's at all possible to act your way into one. Is the bag a metaphor for the parameters of an actor's performance? Surely a director of kaleidoscopic brilliance would craft a vehicle fit for the multitudes. That might be impressive. So far I haven't turned up anything, though, which is probably Hollywood's fault since NO ONE and I mean NO BLOODY ONE makes good movies anymore. And I don't care how SMOKIN' HOT any of those cokehead media whores are. They absolutely DESERVE those paparazzi flashbulbs in their botoxed FACES. This has got to be the worst post ever. I want those 25 minutes of my life back.
Nowhere is this more apparent than movie-related discussions. The threads are virtually interchangeable – switch the title of the film, the names of the actors, etc. The same criticizing phrases and sweeping generalizations are used to describe films which are as different as chocolate and vanilla. Whether the person is disparaging or lauding the film, you can be sure that any of the following happened:
1. The film was so boring that they fell asleep watching it.
2. They want however many hours of their life back.
3. Whoever was in it couldn’t act their way out of a paper bag.
4. Something is all Hollywood's fault.
5. They usually hate the actor/director's films but… (I’ve read this in so many reviews it’s a wonder any actor has any fans.)
6. The actor(s) need(s) acting lessons.
7. The director should go back to film school.
8. No one knows how to make movies anymore except for…
9. Whoever gave his/her usual bad performance. (Question: why do these people keep going to see this actor's movies if they’re always so bad? Methinks they doth protest too much.)
10. It's an instant classic. (I have complained about this elsewhere.)
11. Hyperbole involving willing self-infliction of pain rather than seeing this movie, etc.
12. This is the worst/best movie they have ever seen. (You’re entitled to feel that way about any movie you choose, but I’ve seen it said about so many movies that it makes me wish people would at least qualify the statement with “one of the worst I’ve ever seen.”)
13. The Nationality Argument: only the British understand comedy; only the French understand romance; only the Japanese understand aesthetics; etc. (Note: this is usually accompanied by the assertion that Americans know nothing.)
Aside from the assorted déjà vu of comments, the reviews also feature stock character critics:
The Drooler just wants to mention how HOT the actors are. They love them some good whoever it is. The Dreamer thinks everything was brilliant and often magical as well. The Ranter is easily spotted by use of words in all caps. This person is very ANGRY at all these DAMN movies, okay? ANGRY. The Gossip is more interested in the celebrities' personal lives than actually discussing the film. The Off-topic Rambler ends up talking about other films and other performances. The Narcissist talks about him or herself rather than the film. The Political Activist somehow manages to talk about the right or left side of the political spectrum and how the Republicans/Democrats are to blame/credit for the film. The Riddler tries to express something which may be profound (or at least intelligent), but which is inevitably lost in the incoherent sentence structure. The Extremist - no matter how mediocre or unremarkable the film may be, this person will declare it either the worst or best film of all time.
Not that the aforementioned aren't entitled to their opinions, you just wish they'd calm down before submitting their comments, or at least proofread more carefully.
Or maybe it's just me.
In any case, I've been trying to locate the origin of the phrase "couldn't act their way out of a paper bag" because I'm curious if it's at all possible to act your way into one. Is the bag a metaphor for the parameters of an actor's performance? Surely a director of kaleidoscopic brilliance would craft a vehicle fit for the multitudes. That might be impressive. So far I haven't turned up anything, though, which is probably Hollywood's fault since NO ONE and I mean NO BLOODY ONE makes good movies anymore. And I don't care how SMOKIN' HOT any of those cokehead media whores are. They absolutely DESERVE those paparazzi flashbulbs in their botoxed FACES. This has got to be the worst post ever. I want those 25 minutes of my life back.
2 comments:
laughed alot, agreed with everything, do let me know if you ever succeed in figuring out that paper bag thing
Don't worry, honey, I'll keep you posted :)
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