The Concept: name of Shakespeare’s play + Anagram Server = bad movie idea
Previous Shakespearean Adaptations: The Taming of the Shrew, Romeo and Juliet, A Midsummer Night’s Dream
The Play: Much Ado About Nothing
Original Genre: Comedy
The Incredibly Brief Summary of Original: Messina, approximately 1600. Leonato is a wealthy gentleman with a beautiful, modest daughter named Hero. He also has a beautiful, outspoken niece named Beatrice. Lucky for them, Don Pedro of Aragon, fresh from victory at war with... someone or other... drops in for a visit, bringing his two favorite courtiers, Claudio, the handsome and pretty stupid, and Benedick, the even handsomer and very witty. Also tagging along is Don Pedro’s bastard brother John and his two evil sidekicks, Borachio and Conrad.
Claudio and Hero fall for each other at first sight. Don Pedro arranges their marriage. There is much rejoicing at their betrothal, except on Don John’s part because he is also a bastard in the more modern sense of the word. With Borachio’s help, he conspires to split the couple apart. Meanwhile, Benedick and Beatrice are old acquaintances, who not only hate each other’s guts but each have an aversion to matrimony. What are their loyal friends to do but trick them into falling in love?
The night before Claudio and Hero’s wedding, Don John tricks Don Pedro and Claudio into thinking they saw Hero consorting with another man. This is of course the worst thing Hero could possibly do to Claudio and, manly man that he is, humiliates her the next day at the wedding. Instead of saying, “I do,” he calls her a lying whore right in front of everyone and then goes off to crack jokes with Don Pedro. Hero faints in utter dismay and Leonato wishes both he and she were dead to avoid the disgrace. Luckily Benedick and a Friar are on hand, and they don’t think Hero is a lying whore, but rather think there’s some misunderstanding. The Friar advises Hero to play dead while everything is sorted out.
Meanwhile, Beatrice asks Benedick to prove his love and devotion by killing Claudio in a duel. Faithful lover that he is, he goes to challenge him. Claudio is somewhat irked by this. But they never actually duel, because as luck would have it, Boarchio was bragging to Conrad about the trick he and Don John played on Claudio within hearing of the local constables. Though they may be bumbling fools, they apprehend Borachio and Conrad, then extract a confession from them regarding Hero’s innocence. Which they of course bring before Don Pedro and Claudio. Who then of course feel miserable and go apologize to Leonato. Who then of course says Claudio should say the eulogy at Hero’s funeral as penance and then marry another niece of his who happens to look a lot like Hero.
The funeral is carried out, and then Claudio goes to marry the mysterious niece. When she unveils herself, all is revealed to the stunned Claudio – and there’s some metaphoric business about the old Hero having died of slander but this new one’s been reborn. Or whatever. But all’s well and they marry happily. By now Benedick and Beatrice have found out that they were tricked into falling in love, but it’s not so bad since they seem to have loved each other all along. As for Don John, who fled conveniently after disgracing Hero, he is caught and has the promise of being tortured. And everyone exits dancing (really). The end.
Title: Handbag Mooch, Ion Tutu
Genre: Comedy
Plot Summary: Jenny Hero is always borrowing her cousin Beatrice’s clothing, especially her vintage handbags. No matter how Beatrice tries to resist, Jenny always talks her into lending something. At the same time but in a different place, Dr. Bruce Benedict and his assistant, Dr. Claude Claude, have invented something which will change the world forever: ion-based fabric. That’s right – it’s lighter than air, silkier than silk, and stronger than steel. On the eve of selling it to the government for a fortune, Dr. Benedict realizes that they to construct a combat suit in order to sell the idea. But poor Dr. Benedict falls asleep from exhaustion and Dr. Claude’s penchant for ballet causes him to do something a little different with the amazing fabric. The next day, General Leon Hero, accompanied by his military aides and daughter Jenny, come to see the high-tech… tutu. Which Dr. Benedict presents with an embarrassed expression as Dr. Claude looks on through broken glasses and a black eye. Luckily for them, Jenny loves the tutu. The deal is sealed and all is almost well. Beatrice, you see, furious with Jenny for having ruined her favorite handbag, decides to borrow the tutu and do some accidental damage. What she doesn’t know is the tutu is virtually indestructible. Wearing it to a charity gala (who would suspect that the nation’s hottest secret weapon is a tutu?), Beatrice runs into Dr. Benedict. Livid, he wants to know where she got it and after some comical misunderstanding, Beatrice is enlightened as to the tutu’s true nature and enlists the doctor’s help for a little creative vengeance…
Title: Mood: Out Abating Hunch
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Plot Summary: Bettie and Ben really can’t stand each other. Which is mainly why they spend so much time chatting online, insulting each other with wit and feeling. However, their respective best friends, Hera and Clyde, are sick of their bickering and decide to set them up. Each masquerading as their best friend, they do a fine job of convincing Bettie and Ben that they’re in love. Only now there’s a new problem: Bettie and Ben are always together. They don’t even have time to chat with their best friends. So now the devious duo decides to split up the darling duo. Will Hera and Clyde succeed? Are Bettie and Ben just putting on a show to get back at their meddling friends?
Title: Thou Tough Badman Icon
Genre: Action
Plot Summary: Bill “The Monk” Benedict isn’t much of a talker. An expert hitman, he takes out who he’s paid to and doesn’t ask questions. Until he has to take out one: Belle Hero, and two: her cousin, Halle Hero. But before he can ask any questions, every hitman he knows, including Donald “Duck” Peters, Claude “The Frenchman” de la Coeur, and a few he doesn’t – John the Bastard and Conrad the Cat – are after Belle and Halle. They seem perfectly innocent, harmless. Duck and The Frenchman are willing to team up to protect them, but the Bastard and the Cat reveal that innocent the Hero girls may be, but harmless they are not. What is their secret? Can the Bastard and the Cat be trusted? Is the Monk losing his edge?
Possible Sequels: Badman Cough Thou Into; Ooh Outgun Badman Itch (making The Badman Trilogy)
Stuck in Development:
Handbag Mooch Unit Out – I’m not sure Handbag Mooch, Ion Tutu deserves a sequel.
Couch on Mound Habitat – I drew a total blank. Maybe it could be twisted into something sci-fi.
Previous Shakespearean Adaptations: The Taming of the Shrew, Romeo and Juliet, A Midsummer Night’s Dream
The Play: Much Ado About Nothing
Original Genre: Comedy
The Incredibly Brief Summary of Original: Messina, approximately 1600. Leonato is a wealthy gentleman with a beautiful, modest daughter named Hero. He also has a beautiful, outspoken niece named Beatrice. Lucky for them, Don Pedro of Aragon, fresh from victory at war with... someone or other... drops in for a visit, bringing his two favorite courtiers, Claudio, the handsome and pretty stupid, and Benedick, the even handsomer and very witty. Also tagging along is Don Pedro’s bastard brother John and his two evil sidekicks, Borachio and Conrad.
Claudio and Hero fall for each other at first sight. Don Pedro arranges their marriage. There is much rejoicing at their betrothal, except on Don John’s part because he is also a bastard in the more modern sense of the word. With Borachio’s help, he conspires to split the couple apart. Meanwhile, Benedick and Beatrice are old acquaintances, who not only hate each other’s guts but each have an aversion to matrimony. What are their loyal friends to do but trick them into falling in love?
The night before Claudio and Hero’s wedding, Don John tricks Don Pedro and Claudio into thinking they saw Hero consorting with another man. This is of course the worst thing Hero could possibly do to Claudio and, manly man that he is, humiliates her the next day at the wedding. Instead of saying, “I do,” he calls her a lying whore right in front of everyone and then goes off to crack jokes with Don Pedro. Hero faints in utter dismay and Leonato wishes both he and she were dead to avoid the disgrace. Luckily Benedick and a Friar are on hand, and they don’t think Hero is a lying whore, but rather think there’s some misunderstanding. The Friar advises Hero to play dead while everything is sorted out.
Meanwhile, Beatrice asks Benedick to prove his love and devotion by killing Claudio in a duel. Faithful lover that he is, he goes to challenge him. Claudio is somewhat irked by this. But they never actually duel, because as luck would have it, Boarchio was bragging to Conrad about the trick he and Don John played on Claudio within hearing of the local constables. Though they may be bumbling fools, they apprehend Borachio and Conrad, then extract a confession from them regarding Hero’s innocence. Which they of course bring before Don Pedro and Claudio. Who then of course feel miserable and go apologize to Leonato. Who then of course says Claudio should say the eulogy at Hero’s funeral as penance and then marry another niece of his who happens to look a lot like Hero.
The funeral is carried out, and then Claudio goes to marry the mysterious niece. When she unveils herself, all is revealed to the stunned Claudio – and there’s some metaphoric business about the old Hero having died of slander but this new one’s been reborn. Or whatever. But all’s well and they marry happily. By now Benedick and Beatrice have found out that they were tricked into falling in love, but it’s not so bad since they seem to have loved each other all along. As for Don John, who fled conveniently after disgracing Hero, he is caught and has the promise of being tortured. And everyone exits dancing (really). The end.
Title: Handbag Mooch, Ion Tutu
Genre: Comedy
Plot Summary: Jenny Hero is always borrowing her cousin Beatrice’s clothing, especially her vintage handbags. No matter how Beatrice tries to resist, Jenny always talks her into lending something. At the same time but in a different place, Dr. Bruce Benedict and his assistant, Dr. Claude Claude, have invented something which will change the world forever: ion-based fabric. That’s right – it’s lighter than air, silkier than silk, and stronger than steel. On the eve of selling it to the government for a fortune, Dr. Benedict realizes that they to construct a combat suit in order to sell the idea. But poor Dr. Benedict falls asleep from exhaustion and Dr. Claude’s penchant for ballet causes him to do something a little different with the amazing fabric. The next day, General Leon Hero, accompanied by his military aides and daughter Jenny, come to see the high-tech… tutu. Which Dr. Benedict presents with an embarrassed expression as Dr. Claude looks on through broken glasses and a black eye. Luckily for them, Jenny loves the tutu. The deal is sealed and all is almost well. Beatrice, you see, furious with Jenny for having ruined her favorite handbag, decides to borrow the tutu and do some accidental damage. What she doesn’t know is the tutu is virtually indestructible. Wearing it to a charity gala (who would suspect that the nation’s hottest secret weapon is a tutu?), Beatrice runs into Dr. Benedict. Livid, he wants to know where she got it and after some comical misunderstanding, Beatrice is enlightened as to the tutu’s true nature and enlists the doctor’s help for a little creative vengeance…
Title: Mood: Out Abating Hunch
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Plot Summary: Bettie and Ben really can’t stand each other. Which is mainly why they spend so much time chatting online, insulting each other with wit and feeling. However, their respective best friends, Hera and Clyde, are sick of their bickering and decide to set them up. Each masquerading as their best friend, they do a fine job of convincing Bettie and Ben that they’re in love. Only now there’s a new problem: Bettie and Ben are always together. They don’t even have time to chat with their best friends. So now the devious duo decides to split up the darling duo. Will Hera and Clyde succeed? Are Bettie and Ben just putting on a show to get back at their meddling friends?
Title: Thou Tough Badman Icon
Genre: Action
Plot Summary: Bill “The Monk” Benedict isn’t much of a talker. An expert hitman, he takes out who he’s paid to and doesn’t ask questions. Until he has to take out one: Belle Hero, and two: her cousin, Halle Hero. But before he can ask any questions, every hitman he knows, including Donald “Duck” Peters, Claude “The Frenchman” de la Coeur, and a few he doesn’t – John the Bastard and Conrad the Cat – are after Belle and Halle. They seem perfectly innocent, harmless. Duck and The Frenchman are willing to team up to protect them, but the Bastard and the Cat reveal that innocent the Hero girls may be, but harmless they are not. What is their secret? Can the Bastard and the Cat be trusted? Is the Monk losing his edge?
Possible Sequels: Badman Cough Thou Into; Ooh Outgun Badman Itch (making The Badman Trilogy)
Stuck in Development:
Handbag Mooch Unit Out – I’m not sure Handbag Mooch, Ion Tutu deserves a sequel.
Couch on Mound Habitat – I drew a total blank. Maybe it could be twisted into something sci-fi.
2 comments:
These adaptations are particularly wonderfully whacky, Stella. I love the idea of the indestructible tutu and what you've done with it. :-)
I was imagining Kenneth Branaugh's expression as he realizes Claudio has made a tutu instead of a miliatry uniform :)
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