Monday, April 7, 2014

Grand Budapest Hotel

a layered story
heartbreak humor love and death
coated with icing

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Extra Special True Blood Marathon

with love, for R.F., who threatened to make faces until I watched the show

fairy telepath
strengths: big heart and lots of sass
weakness: taste in men

southern gentleman
tragically untrustworthy
romantic liar

Viking warrior
practical vicious loyal
damn hilarious

queen of sarcasm
beautiful hard dangerous
a perfect iceberg

pure fabulousness
don't y'all be jealous hookahs
I is what I is

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

here be a dragon
holy mounds of gold, Bilbo!
why not use Precious?

Some other Desolation-of-Smaug-related thoughts:

- I'd actually forgotten how totally bitchin' Legolas is.
- It's odd that the plan to get the Arkenstone pretty much consists of get to mountain, find Arkenstone. But if I've learned anything from heist movies, it's keep it simple.
- Stephen Fry. STEPHEN FRY.
- I have several puns on the subject of Hobbitson disturbing Smauglock in his mind palace but I've decided I'm above all that.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

The next movie in the Marvel franchise will be about Black Widow!

Ha ha. Not really.

Sorry about that. Occasionally my sense of humor is cruel.

Over at BuzzFeed, they pose a compelling gif-illustrated argument for Marvel to get the hell with the program already and put Black Widow: No More Red in the Ledger* into production. If this movie ever happens, I will go out and buy a lottery ticket, then wait patiently to collect my multi-million-dollar cash prize.

*Alternative titles: The Red Avenger, Return to Budapest, Women Can Be Credible Superheroes Too (We Think)The Spider and the Hawk. Not too sure about "The Red Avenger." It might cause confusion.

Saturday, January 25, 2014


mad man with blue box
bow ties will always be cool
now come along Pond

Friday, January 24, 2014

The Wolf of Wall Street

alternate title
Everything That Is Wrong with

While it's not much fun watching a remorseless criminal live a debauched unethical existence for three whole hours, I must say that Leonardo Dicaprio could probably convince you to take out a loan in order to pay him to take your own kidney. Possibly both of them. But I always say that whenever I see someone persuade hundreds of people into becoming a hoard of bloodthirsty animals.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Still no Eleven

Some random thoughts while Eleven's haiku continues to elude me:

- The brilliance of Sherlock series 3 almost makes up for how bad the Doctor's Christmas special was. Almost.

- Everybody goes on an on about all the characters Steven Moffat kills but I don't think any of it is as bad as Russell T. Davies taking away Donna Noble's memories and basically hitting the reset button on her entire personality's development. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the most evil, that's about an 11. Sorry, Russell T., but you have to admit it's true.

- Also, many people seem to dislike the episode Dinosaurs on a Spaceship which was actually a great episode. It had dinosaurs. On a spaceship. And Lestrade. And David Bradley. Who then turns up as William Hartnell in An Adventure in Space and Time. Which made me cry. Which is apparently Mark Gatiss's mission in life. Although to be fair, I think he wants to make everyone cry and not just me. No wonder he and Moffat work so well together.

Now back to weeping into my tea and Jammie Dodgers. Which are supposed to be capitalized since they're a proper name. But it's odd because I don't think I've ever capitalized Oreo.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Eleven Twelve and Counting

Just so you know, I'm actually working on a haiku for the Eleventh Doctor but all of the relevant phrases are even-syllabled, except for "fez."

bow ties are cool
spacey wacey
jammie dodgers

There's always fish fingers and custard, but banana daiquiri didn't make the cut for Ten, so that seems a little unfair. Also, I can't decide whether or not it's comforting that this post probably reads like bizarre rambling or an odd grocery list.

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Sherlock: The Empty Hearse

John has a mustache
surprise Sherlock is not dead
punch him in the face

Side note: it's strangely rewarding when you tell a fictional character (one you have no control over) to do something and then they just do it. Thank you, John Watson. And thank you too, Mark Gatiss.

Side side note: I've finally seen the entire Nolan Batman trilogy and I feel a haiku marathon coming on. But I've said that before without following through so I guess the real lesson to be learned here is that I'm not to be trusted on this subject.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Thor, a Trilogy

Thor, God of Thunder
a hero I am
invincible stout of heart
my cape it billows

Jane Foster
gosh I love science
and all the sciencey things
ooh biceps giggle

Loki, God of Mischief
burdened with purpose
absolutely glorious
all of you will kneel

Monday, December 2, 2013


this. I can't even.
dying. I'm done. in the feels.

Friday, November 29, 2013

The Day of the Doctor

running fifty years
here's to another fifty
off to Gallifrey

The only thing missing from the 50th is Donna Noble getting her memories back. Let's keep our fingers crossed. Anything is possible. Time can be rewritten.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

pow! I'm in a band
bam! life is an arcade game
thump! sweet irony

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Special Blood and Ice Cream Trilogy Marathon

Shaun of the Dead
I don't do zombies
so I'll have to take the blood
and ice cream on faith

Hot Fuzz
a super copper
a town full of muderers
loads of paperwork

The World's End
an epic pub crawl
hello dystopian life
goodbye Cornetto